Getting good phone support

Pretty much everybody has experienced phone support. Some support is great, some sucks. Working in a call center generally sucks. The best article I've read on phonework referred to the call center as the "electronic plantation". Understanding what makes Customer Service Representatives (CSRs) and Technical Support Representatives (TSRs) tick will benefit you.

Note: I'm not trying to defend sucky support, stupid reps, or long wait times. I am suggesting that no matter how good or sucky your support is you can optimize the situation by following some tips below.

BN: Some sections have a mutetalk section which is what the rep says to his "cow-orker" while he has you on Mute/hold. This is not intended to be funny, it's intended to show you what is important to the tech and how they react to callers' behaviors. I also am not making them up. They are actual quotes.


If you are brave and want to see how reps blow off steam, you can read alt.tech-support.recovery. I have also written a companion piece for phonejockeys on providing good phone support.  
first and foremost, be civil. Not necessarily polite, nice, or anything like that. Just civil.
You would not believe the abuse reps take every day. Physical threats, death threats, terroristic threats, legal threats, veiled threats. Manipulation, button-pushing, lying. Hysteria, screaming, shouting. Name-calling, _ad hominem_ attacks, and just plain boorish behavior. People are freaking nuts. 		mutetalk: "Mr. Johnson here just called me a f___ing retard and said he'd bash my head in with a brick behind the fence." (I called the customer's city police department dialed up on that one)

mutetalk: "This freak just threatened to drive a Ryder truck up to the building and blow us to hell just like Oklahoma City." (This happened just after the OKC bombing - I called the customer's FBI branch office.

mutetalk: "This guy's darling 10-year-old destroyed his [high dollar widget, inappropriate for a child] and so obviously our [product] is 'the biggest piece of s__t in the world and we are all a bunch of f__ing lying b______s."

mutetalk: "My Canadian caller just advised me that we are a bunch of m_____f___ing idiots who live in the United F___s of America."

be honest. Lying to a service rep is like lying to your doctor; it's bad for you in the long run. And it really frustrates the rep when they feel manipulated. It can obscure the real problem which the rep might otherwise be able to identify immediately. mutetalk: "This kid was telling me he had the [widget for a week] and I could hear his friend whispering 'no you didn't, you got it for Christmas last year."

mutetalk: "Five minutes ago this guy this guy told me he [abused the product]. He called back, and now he's saying he never [abused the product]. He doesn't know it was me he just talked to. Liar!"

mutetalk: "He ruined [the product] himself, but he was straight with me so I threw him a refurb. Nice guy."

get to the point quickly in the call. It is unnecessary to start at the beginning of time. Listening to a call can be like watching the Simpsons; the first 5 minutes of the show usually have nothing to do with the actual plot. mutetalk: "I'm 4 minutes into the call and I have absolutely no idea what this guy wants."

mutetalk: "yadda yadda yadda, he just had back surgery, his wife left him, his car loan is due, etc"

be precise. If your widget turns blue sometimes, then say so. Don't say "it always turns blue" or "it's always blue" because those statements may take your rep way-y-y-y-y-y down the wrong path and waste precious minutes for both of you. Resist the urge to exaggerate or make stuff up to make your point.
be sober. It sounds like such a simple thing, but drunks and stoners call support lines all the time (hey, I wonder why?). A toll-free number is a stoner magnet.
if you're calling about a malfunctioning widget be near the widget when you call. The rep is counting on you to to manipulate, test, and observe the widget. Troubleshooting a widget is hard enough over the phone when by definition the rep isn't near it. It's nigh-impossible if neither one of you is near it. mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but it's in his car. [wait, wait, wait]"

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but it's in his garage. [wait, wait, wait]"

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but it's in his barn. [wait, wait, wait]"

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but it's at his friend's house."

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but he threw it away."

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but he's at work and it's at home."

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget while he's driving down the freeway at 70mph.."

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget while he's driving an 18-wheeler. "

mutetalk: "Holmes wants me to troubleshoot his widget but he doesn't have all the parts."

If you need to refer to a previously-made promise reference the rep's name, what they said, and when it occurred. Reps are constantly lied to and exaggerated to; your fellow humans have made it necessary to get some kind of evidence before taking action on your behalf. Throw us a bone here. mutetalk: "Billy Bob says that one of us promised him a bunch of free stuff overnighted to him but he doesn't know who talked to him, when he called, what they promised, nothing. Yeah, right. Not very likely"
Call from a suitable location. The rep is wearing headphones, and it is intensely disturbing to hear your dog howling or child[ren] wailing three feet from your phone. Turn down the the stereo or TV so the rep can hear what you are saying. mutetalk: "His kids are screaming and the stereo is so loud I can't hear what he's saying."
Have a pencil and paper ready. People will call for complex information and then when you start give it to them they say "Hold on, let me find a pencil." mutetalk: "Ol' Ted here waits on hold for 5 mins in the queue. He asks me for [complex information] and THEN goes on a pencil hunt for two minutes. Did he think he was going to be able to remember all of it?"
Use a real phone. Cellphones are bad enough; speakerphones are seriously obnoxious. Your rep can't tell what you're saying about half the time on a speakerphone. Get off the powertrip. A speakerphone is perfect for waiting for your rep to come online; pick up the handset when he answers. A headset would be perfect, because then you've got both hands free. mutetalk: "Fred's got me on a speakerphone that's cutting in and out."
Turn off call waiting for the support call. When your phone is beeping it's making horrible clacking noises in our ears and cutting your words off.
Do not breathe all over your phone like a deranged yeti. It sounds like a tornado in our headphones. And if your rep is breathing on the phone let him know: "you might want to reposition your mic a bit; I'm mainly hearing breathing."
Handle personal business away from the phone. Do not urinate, defecate, eat, beat your spouse or children, or do bong hits while on the phone. I am not making this stuff up. mutetalk: "This guy is taking a dump with me on the phone. Nice."

mutetalk: "This guy is mangling a hamburger while we talk. I can't understand much of what he's saying."

Understand that in an automated call center as soon as your call is over the rep will get another call. The callcenter is a nonstop hammering, and it is terribly important that you understand what this means to you. It means that anything that needs to happen likely has to happen with you on the phone; this is your moment in the sun. Your rep will likely not have the luxury of the time to email/phone/fax you after the call is over. Pressuring him to do so will not help; there is no time to do it. A rep's working life is measured in seconds. So if your rep asks you to wait while he does something or finishes up a task, it is in your best interest to wait. S/he's not just trying to stretch the call out. In fact, the long call time counts against the rep.
  • If you have a bunch of things to accomplish on your call, by all means give the rep an overview but allow the rep to complete one thing at a time. There is frequently documentation/paperwork associated with each task and the rep needs to complete it all to make it happen for you. If the rep asks you to stop talking for a moment, ("hold on for a minute while I...") then sit there and don't talk for a bit. He's trying to concentrate on something complex. Use the moment to really listen to the callcenter noises behind the rep; what is the callcenter like? What is going on?
  • If you are calling to ask for special treatment or an exception, ask for what you want in such a way as to make it quick and easy for the rep to give it to you. Know part numbers, prices, names of things you want. This will make it easy for both of you and reduce misunderstandings.
    		• mutetalk: "God. Homeslice here doesn't know what product he has, what he needs, what it looks like, or what it does. I guess he wants me to use my swami powers on this one. "

    mutetalk: "It was out of warranty but he had all the part numbers ready so I threw him a bone. "

    If you ask for the rep's help/opinion, for God's sake listen to it.. If you aren't prepared to consider the reps's opinion, then don't ask for it in the first place. It is astounding how often callers will ask for your professional help then fight with you every step of the way.
    mutetalk: "This guy has asked five questions and contradicted my answer to each one. If he knows it all why'd he call support?" (Answer: to get the answer he wanted to hear).
    If your rep asks you to try something, try it.. Even if you've done it before. If you don't follow his troubleshooting then he may be missing a critical piece of information. mutetalk: "This guy refuses to troubleshoot with me. He's tried everything, done everything, knows everything."
    do your homework. Read the FAQs, manuals, and other documentation. Most reps give out the same prepackaged information over and over and over because people can't be bothered to read the documentation that came with the product.
    Do your best to answer the rep's questions. He's not being nosy (he doesn't particularly know/care about you personally or think you're interesting). He needs specific information to help him understand and solve the problem. mutetalk: "I've asked him five times what color his [product] is, and he won't tell me."
    ask the rep when the phones are more busy and less busy. There is likely a pattern and they will be glad to tell you because it will make their lives easier if you call at slow times.
    use the support resources appropriately There are people who are lonely, needy, or otherwise crave human attention. There are also demented people but I don't think they would be reading this page. And the needy don't realize we're talking about them...
    mutetalk: "Ted here has called 204 times in 3 months. He needs a therapist, not tech support." (this was not a made-up number).

    $Id: cs.orb,v 1.32 2005/03/12 16:54:34 mouse Exp $

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